Every day, I wonder if I really have what it takes, and every day, I see my weaknesses and worry that the answer is no.
Well, Mormon Artist has just announced 32 finalists in their Mormon Lit Blitz contest, out of over 200 submissions, and I am not among them. To see why, go here and read my little story, entitled Thou Shalt Not Kill.
Every day, I wonder if I really have what it takes, and every day, I see my weaknesses and worry that the answer is no.
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I've been in a writing depression lately, unable to muster much enthusiasm for my current story and practically empty of ideas for anything else. I didn't think I'd be able to come up with anything for the Mormon Lit Blitz contest sponsored by Mormon Artist, especially not a submission with fewer than 1000 words. But to-day I got thinking about things, and realized that I had an idea. I sat down and wrote it out -- it was easy, because it was a true story, or rather, two true stories that I was able to combine with one theme -- and suddenly, there it was. My submission. I sent it off before I could lose my nerve. I don't think I'll be one of the finalists. There will be six to twelve finalists, but I already know that they've received at least 28 submissions, and there are still more than two weeks to the deadline. But I tried, and that's what counts. There's still life in the old girl yet.
I've just finished reading an excellent book called Variant, by Robison Wells. It's been described as a dystopian adventure, but I suppose you could also call it a dystopian fantasy. Well, no matter what category it is, it's an excellent book and you should go buy it. Right now.
Now I've read a lot of science fiction and fantasy books in my life. I grew up reading them, and I hope I die with one of them in my hand. Or at least on a nearby table. In these many, many books, I've been introduced to a multitude of different worlds and cultures. Some are very similar to the world I live in, some definitely are not. So what does it say about me that I can imagine a place for myself somewhere in pretty much all of the worlds I've discovered so far in that genre, but whenever I read certain chick lit books by authors such as Jill Mansell and Katie Fforde, I'm left feeling like a member of a completely different species, having come from a completely different universe? It's scary. I don't often read in that genre, but occasionally, I'll see a description of one of those books, and the suspense nags at me until I want to pick it up. I know that the female will end up with the right male eventually, but the blurb always makes me wonder just what torturous roads they will have to travel in order to get together. By the end, however, I feel so mind-bogglingly different from the characters in the book that I might as well be an alien. Sometimes I wish I were an alien, then at least I'd have an excuse. Now, back to the real fantasy books! Just thought I'd share the book that I'm currently reading. It's the anthology Monsters and Mormons, by Wm Morris and Theric Jepson. The Kindle price is excellent value for "thirty tales of adventure and terror" and the tales I've read so far have been fascinating! Where else can you find a story about missionaries going out to kill zombies, then baptize them? Or a bishop being called out to deal with a distinctly non-Book of Mormon kind of "Gadianton Robber"?
If you're interested in the virtual launch party on Friday, the 11th of November, you can check out the details here. You might remember that I started to write a story to submit to this anthology. After reading the first few stories, I'm even madder than ever that I failed. I'd love to be up there with such august company! On the other hand, there's that nagging doubt that I might not have been selected even if I'd managed to finish. But maybe if they do a second volume ... Well, I see that LDS Publisher is back from her summer holidays and has just announced the 2011 Christmas Short Story Contest. I've put the button on my front page, but I don't know if I'm going to enter this year. Even listening to the song "Don't Shoot Me, Santa Claus" by the Killers hasn't inspired me to come up with a good plot. Not that I was working very hard at it, anyway. I'm right in the middle of another story which is coming along really well, and to tell the truth, I'm not sure I want to take a break from it. I've never been a person who can work on two things at once with equal verve; if I do have two ideas, I end up concentrating on one and ignoring the other, or getting them both mixed up somehow. So I think I'll keep plugging away at my little space opera instead.
Well, I say "little," but it might end up at novella length or even longer before I'm finished. I'd originally planned to submit it to Mindflights, but I started obsessing about the fact that they prefer works of fewer than 5000 words, and then I couldn't write at all. It took a very conscious decision for me to forget those constraints before I could get back in the groove and start working again. I've told myself I'll write it first and then worry about the market later. So far, it's been a productive path. Well, FirstSon has gone off to start his apprenticeship in a small city on Germany's west coast. He only comes home at the weekends now, not that we see much of him then, either. As soon as he's said hello and raved about his week, he disappears into his bedroom, sets up his computer, and starts to chat to all his international friends. And chat and chat and chat. He basically only comes out for food and church.This week, SecondSon is travelling in Berlin with his homeroom class from school, too, so it's just been me and Husband, home alone. It's very quiet here. I suppose I should get used to it; in a few years, SecondSon will be gone for good, too.
When the boys were younger, and before FirstSon had discovered the chat function, we used to play board games together. I was always very excited about finding a new strategy game at the local library and bringing it home for us to try out. FirstSon almost always won, but it didn't matter, because just playing was fun. We also had a small selection of games here at home for us to play, and Husband even joined in occasionally, though he's not really a gamer. He set up the idea of Sunday Evening gaming for us, so that the boys would grow up with good memories of family activities, and we often played Ticket to Ride Europe, Pompeii, and occasionally New England or other games from the library. But now everything has changed. FirstSon goes off to his apprenticeship each Sunday afternoon on the train, and when he's home, like I said, he's much too busy for much of anything else now. SecondSon also seems to live only for his iPod, and can only be persuaded with much difficulty to put it down. With a heavy heart, I realise that our game playing days are pretty much over. I've already sold one game on Ebay, hopefully to a happy gaming family, and this morning, I put two more up for auction. They won't be the last ones to go, either, even though I'll still keep a few of our favourites such as the ones I mentioned above. *sniff* Other changes in my life include the fact that I have just been called to be the seminary teacher for the youth in our ward. For those of you who aren't familiar with the LDS church, that's like teaching a Bible class for Sunday School, except that this is going to be early mornings, five days a week for about half an hour each day. I was just getting used to teaching the women of the Relief Society once a month, quoting conference talks and showing them pictures of famous (and not-so-famous) paintings on my laptop to help illustrate my points, and suddenly, it's time for a change! I don't think I'm a good teacher. I often think the only reason the women of the RS looked forward to my lessons was because I could make them laugh at least once. I'm certainly not a natural-born talker! *looks over at FirstSon* Not like some people. Until now, I've been writing down everything I want to say and often reading it off verbatim. I do try to respond to people's contributions in my own words, though. And now I'll have to prepare a little lesson each day, too. I don't know yet how this will impact my writing. At the moment *cringe* there's nothing to impact because I haven't worked on anything this week. I did have a story of sorts that I was half-heartedly playing with, but although I saw possibilities for it, I suddenly realised that I probably wouldn't be able to keep the ideas within the 5000 word limit that the magazine Mindflights prefers. Suddenly, my enthusiasm for that particular story waned considerably. I know, I know, I should just write the story and then worry about finding the right market for it. But for some reason, I'm not always as flexible as I would like, and it sometimes takes me a bit of time and consideration before I can take the first step onto a different path than the one I had envisioned. I'm also a bit depressed that I can't seem to come up with a really good idea that grabs my enthusiasm and won't put it down. Why is it that other writers are simply bubbling over with original story ideas whereas I have to excavate through sheer granite just to find a bone that sometimes doesn't even fit anywhere? What's blocking me? Fear of failure? Fear of rejection? Lack of Willy Wonka's Bubbly Story Ideas Chocolate Bars? From the first bite, this chocolate will stimulate your brain cells so that story ideas simply bubble out of your mouth and down to your fingertips.. Yeah, that must be it! I'm simply lacking the right chocolate -- I mean, the Write Chocolate! I'm finally done with Very, Very Carefully. I've finished writing, I've finished revising, and I've finished posting. Now I've got plenty of time to work on my next project, and I've even got a new computer with which to work! Yay! My old computer was on its last legs for several weeks now, and I used it with constant fear that it would crash if I didn't treat it just right. Sometimes it crashed anyway. I had to do a lot of work on the laptop, and naturally I'm grateful that I have a laptop, it's just that the keyboard is different, and it always takes me a while to get used to different things. I'm still getting used to the new computer, for instance. But I can tell it's faster and better and more advanced, perfect in every way for my new project -- if I only knew what that new project should be. I feel empty inside, void of all ideas and creativity. Never mind an original story, I can't even think of an idea for a new fanfic, which shows you how desolate my mind is at the moment!
Maybe making lunch will help. Or eating dessert. In my fanfic The First Anniversary, I had Geraldine speak the line, "Chocolate cures everything." Time to put that to the test. :-) I've just started posting my new story, Very, Very Carefully. I've got two parts up already and more will be coming soon. I have to thank the delightful ladies at C19 yet again for their support and encouragement, especially Jaydee09, who helped me so much with this story. If it's any good, it's because of her suggestions and ideas.
Also thank you to Grendel, who made my delightful sig. If you read the story, remember that any kind of feedback is welcome! I've got my email address on my home page for you to contact me. I'll also understand if you don't want to read it, because of the subject matter, though I think I've handled it in a very non-explicit and PG-13 way. In other, very much unrelated news, FirstSon has just got an apprenticeship as a Technical Designer. We are so excited! He'll be attending a special technical college called Theodor-Schäfer-Berufsbildungswerk for people with disabilities, even including Autism Spectrum Disorder and Asperger's Syndrome. Here's a link with a small picture of what it looks like, though of course the site is all in German. Along with design and architecture, FirstSon also loves Pokemon and role play, and spends a lot of time on DeviantArt. I, on the other hand, have trouble drawing stick figures. :-) Just a quick update to tell you all that I got masses of support from the delightful ladies over at C19, and I will be continuing to post my fanfic. One of them has consented to help me figure out anything that needs to be changed or improved, and I have already started making changes. I no longer feel the desire to wipe the story from the face of the earth and pretend it never happened; instead I am sure I can make it
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Melanie Goldmund
I've written fanfic under the name Zelofheda, and some original fic under my real name. Archives
September 2019
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