The Anniversary
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Fandom: The Vicar of Dibley
Rating: T
Timeline: One year after the official ending
Summary: 1500 word story about the first anniversary of Geraldine and Harry Kennedy
Disclaimer: The Vicar of Dibley belongs to the BBC: I am only borrowing for entertainment purposes with no intent to profit.
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The sound of crying was clearly audible as Geraldine Kennedy curled up beneath the duvet, waiting for her husband to come to bed so that they could cuddle. Although Geraldine didn't know if she could get into the cuddling mood with Miss Misery Guts next door. Throwing off the duvet with a huff, she got out of bed and slammed the window shut, just as Harry came in.
"Why are you closing the window?" he asked.
"Can't you hear her?" Geraldine sighed and got into bed.
"Not with the window shut," Harry said, going over and opening it again. There was a loud wail.
"Exactly!" Geraldine exclaimed. "Look, I know Rosie's your sister. We love her, and we want to support her after her traumatic break-up with a man who looked like Mr Darcy and acted like Mr Wickham. But, how can we enjoy ourselves to-night when she's making those horrible sounds?"
"Maybe we could get earplugs?" Harry suggested, getting into bed.
"Maybe we could just shut the window!" Geraldine said, and did it. "There. That's better."
"No, it's not," Harry said, standing up again.
"I'll hit you with this pillow!" Geraldine threatened, but Harry grabbed them both, and managed to keep them away from her. Eventually, Geraldine had to resort to the "all's fair in love and war" method of tickling Harry's ribs, and with a laugh, Harry surrendered. Geraldine was just about to whack him when she stopped.
"What?" Harry asked, obviously alarmed at the expression on her face.
"I just thought of something," she said with a grimace. "If we can hear her when the window is open, she can hear us!"
"Go ahead and have your pillow fight!" came a muffled response. "I don't mind, really!"
But Rosie belied her statement with another sob, and Geraldine sank down onto the bed, holding the pillow against her stomach in despair. "This is not how I envisioned our first anniversary."
"Well, technically, it's not our anniversary yet," Harry assured her. "That's to-morrow."
"True, but I thought we could get some practice in before the big day," Geraldine said.
"Tell you what, I'll take Rosie on a long walk to-morrow and tire her out so that she'll fall asleep before we do, all right?" Harry suggested.
"Take her over to the Dibley Arms and leave her there," Geraldine muttered under her breath.
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Not having cuddled, and therefore feeling deprived the next morning, Geraldine went into the living room and took down the large Bible from its place on the mantelpiece. It wasn't actually a Bible, not anymore. It was now a receptacle for an emergency ration of Cadbury's Dairy Milk. But when she opened the book to the right page, there was nothing in the space but an empty wrapper. Geraldine picked it up, crumpled it in her fist, and glared at it.
It wasn't fair. First, Rosie had prevented them from their nightly activities. Now she was taking Geraldine's husband for the day, and thirdly, worstly, she'd also eaten Geraldine's chocolate!
"Right," Geraldine said. "There's a limit to what I'll share – husband, yes. Chocolate, no."
After breakfast, Harry asked, "And what are you doing to-day, Geraldine?"
"I need to go shopping," Geraldine said. "And then I'm going to make us a special cake."
"What kind of cake?" Harry asked.
"An American recipe I found in a magazine, called Better than Sex Chocolate Cake."
"Oh, that sounds divine," said Rosie. "Can I have a piece when it's done?"
Geraldine hesitated, but Rosie looked pale and miserable, with red-rimmed eyes, and Geraldine's natural compassion took over. "Of course you can, Rosie."
Still, she didn't want to be reminded of the disastrous night, and gave Rosie an encouraging smile. "It's beautiful weather, wouldn't you like to go for a walk?"
"Love to," Rosie said. "I'm just waiting for Harry."
After coming back from the store, Geraldine replaced the chocolate in her Bible, and added a naked razor blade and a mousetrap. If that didn't tell Rosie to keep her hands off, nothing would. Satisfied, Geraldine went into the kitchen and began to bake. She was just finishing the last touches of the icing when she heard the door open and Rosie calling out, "Darling, just sit down and tilt your head back."
Alarmed, Geraldine straightened up from the cake as Rosie came into the kitchen. "Oh, Geraldine, have you got any ice?"
Geraldine opened the fridge and took out two packages. "Chocolate or vanilla?"
"Which do you think is best for a nosebleed?" Rosie asked, and Geraldine stared, then pushed past her into the living room. Harry was seated on the couch, his head tilted back, holding a blood-soaked handkerchief to his nose.
"Harry!" she cried. "What happened?"
Harry lifted the handkerchief away from his face. "Mr Wickham showed up and thought I was Rosie's new boyfriend."
"How could anybody think that you two were anything but brother and sister?" Geraldine protested. "Couldn't he see the family resemblance? The fraternal distance between you two as you strolled around the village?"
Harry shrugged. Remembering the ice, Geraldine shoved one package at him. "Here, try this."
Harry carefully lowered his nose to the edge of the package. "I've never used chocolate ice for a nosebleed before."
"Chocolate," Geraldine announced, "cures everything."
There was a crash from the kitchen, a silence, and then a quiet, "Oh, no."
"Oh no?" Geraldine echoed, much louder. "What "oh no" are we talking about?"
But in her heart, she already knew. She rushed in to survey the damage and see what could be salvaged. But with the plate broken as well, there was no alternative but to sweep the entire thing into the dustbin. Grumpily, she returned to the living room.
"What happened?" Harry asked, and Geraldine announced, "That Better than Sex chocolate cake I baked this morning … died a virgin."
"I'm so sorry!" Rosie wailed. "I don't know how it happened! I'll bake you a new one!"
Before Geraldine could answer, Harry said, "No!"
"I'm not that bad in the kitchen!" Rosie protested, but Harry just looked at her, and after a moment, Rosie's face fell. "All right, darling. You've suffered enough for one day."
After lunch, Harry had recovered enough to take Rosie out for another walk while Geraldine performed some of her many duties as a vicar and returned shortly before supper. There was no point in having the anniversary meal she'd planned to cook at home, not now that the piece de resistance had gone the way of all flesh, so she'd made reservations for her and Harry at a nearby restaurant. When Harry and Rosie came back, however, Harry was dripping wet and shivering all over.
"Let me guess," Geraldine said. "Mr Wickham pushed you into a puddle?"
"No," Rosie sobbed. "I did. It was an accident!"
"Another accident, what a coincidence," Geraldine said, wondering secretly if Mr Wickham hadn't broken up with Rosie in order to stay alive.
"Harry was teasing me and I just gave him a little shove, " Rosie cried, demonstrating. Harry toppled onto the couch. "He went in right up to his hair!"
Geraldine sighed. "Well, Harry, I'll just have to take you upstairs, strip those wet clothes off you, and put you into a hot bath."
Harry shot up eagerly and followed her upstairs.
The day ended with Geraldine in bed, lying on her side and drumming her fingers against the mattress. At last, Harry came in and settled in beside her.
"It wasn't such a bad evening," he said cautiously.
"The waiter tripped and dumped my dinner in my lap!" Geraldine protested.
"Well, yes, but after that …" Harry put his hand to her face to kiss her, and Geraldine's attention was suddenly diverted elsewhere. "What's the matter with your fingers?"
Harry looked at the bandages on them. "A funny thing happened on the way to bed. I was attacked by a razor blade and a mousetrap."
"You!" Geraldine shouted. "You were the one getting into my chocolate!"
"I was desperate," Harry admitted. "Anyway, I thought you promised to share all your worldly goods with me?"
"Chocolate is not a worldly good, it's a divine gift."
"You're divine," Harry told her with a cheeky smile.
"Stop changing the subject. I promised to share with you, not with your sister!" Geraldine said. "I thought it was her getting into it."
"Rosie?" Harry asked. "She wouldn't even know where to find it!"
"She's a woman!" Geraldine retorted. "Women can always sniff out chocolate when they need to. But you! You're a man! You don't need chocolate!"
Harry looked mournfully at her. "After no cuddling last night and no cake to-day, yes, I did. You said that chocolate cures everything."
He got up and shut the window, then came back. "But since I didn't get any chocolate to-night, do you think you can make up for it?"
Geraldine kissed him. "I'm melting in your mouth already."
The End
Written spring/summer 2008
Fandom: The Vicar of Dibley
Rating: T
Timeline: One year after the official ending
Summary: 1500 word story about the first anniversary of Geraldine and Harry Kennedy
Disclaimer: The Vicar of Dibley belongs to the BBC: I am only borrowing for entertainment purposes with no intent to profit.
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The sound of crying was clearly audible as Geraldine Kennedy curled up beneath the duvet, waiting for her husband to come to bed so that they could cuddle. Although Geraldine didn't know if she could get into the cuddling mood with Miss Misery Guts next door. Throwing off the duvet with a huff, she got out of bed and slammed the window shut, just as Harry came in.
"Why are you closing the window?" he asked.
"Can't you hear her?" Geraldine sighed and got into bed.
"Not with the window shut," Harry said, going over and opening it again. There was a loud wail.
"Exactly!" Geraldine exclaimed. "Look, I know Rosie's your sister. We love her, and we want to support her after her traumatic break-up with a man who looked like Mr Darcy and acted like Mr Wickham. But, how can we enjoy ourselves to-night when she's making those horrible sounds?"
"Maybe we could get earplugs?" Harry suggested, getting into bed.
"Maybe we could just shut the window!" Geraldine said, and did it. "There. That's better."
"No, it's not," Harry said, standing up again.
"I'll hit you with this pillow!" Geraldine threatened, but Harry grabbed them both, and managed to keep them away from her. Eventually, Geraldine had to resort to the "all's fair in love and war" method of tickling Harry's ribs, and with a laugh, Harry surrendered. Geraldine was just about to whack him when she stopped.
"What?" Harry asked, obviously alarmed at the expression on her face.
"I just thought of something," she said with a grimace. "If we can hear her when the window is open, she can hear us!"
"Go ahead and have your pillow fight!" came a muffled response. "I don't mind, really!"
But Rosie belied her statement with another sob, and Geraldine sank down onto the bed, holding the pillow against her stomach in despair. "This is not how I envisioned our first anniversary."
"Well, technically, it's not our anniversary yet," Harry assured her. "That's to-morrow."
"True, but I thought we could get some practice in before the big day," Geraldine said.
"Tell you what, I'll take Rosie on a long walk to-morrow and tire her out so that she'll fall asleep before we do, all right?" Harry suggested.
"Take her over to the Dibley Arms and leave her there," Geraldine muttered under her breath.
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Not having cuddled, and therefore feeling deprived the next morning, Geraldine went into the living room and took down the large Bible from its place on the mantelpiece. It wasn't actually a Bible, not anymore. It was now a receptacle for an emergency ration of Cadbury's Dairy Milk. But when she opened the book to the right page, there was nothing in the space but an empty wrapper. Geraldine picked it up, crumpled it in her fist, and glared at it.
It wasn't fair. First, Rosie had prevented them from their nightly activities. Now she was taking Geraldine's husband for the day, and thirdly, worstly, she'd also eaten Geraldine's chocolate!
"Right," Geraldine said. "There's a limit to what I'll share – husband, yes. Chocolate, no."
After breakfast, Harry asked, "And what are you doing to-day, Geraldine?"
"I need to go shopping," Geraldine said. "And then I'm going to make us a special cake."
"What kind of cake?" Harry asked.
"An American recipe I found in a magazine, called Better than Sex Chocolate Cake."
"Oh, that sounds divine," said Rosie. "Can I have a piece when it's done?"
Geraldine hesitated, but Rosie looked pale and miserable, with red-rimmed eyes, and Geraldine's natural compassion took over. "Of course you can, Rosie."
Still, she didn't want to be reminded of the disastrous night, and gave Rosie an encouraging smile. "It's beautiful weather, wouldn't you like to go for a walk?"
"Love to," Rosie said. "I'm just waiting for Harry."
After coming back from the store, Geraldine replaced the chocolate in her Bible, and added a naked razor blade and a mousetrap. If that didn't tell Rosie to keep her hands off, nothing would. Satisfied, Geraldine went into the kitchen and began to bake. She was just finishing the last touches of the icing when she heard the door open and Rosie calling out, "Darling, just sit down and tilt your head back."
Alarmed, Geraldine straightened up from the cake as Rosie came into the kitchen. "Oh, Geraldine, have you got any ice?"
Geraldine opened the fridge and took out two packages. "Chocolate or vanilla?"
"Which do you think is best for a nosebleed?" Rosie asked, and Geraldine stared, then pushed past her into the living room. Harry was seated on the couch, his head tilted back, holding a blood-soaked handkerchief to his nose.
"Harry!" she cried. "What happened?"
Harry lifted the handkerchief away from his face. "Mr Wickham showed up and thought I was Rosie's new boyfriend."
"How could anybody think that you two were anything but brother and sister?" Geraldine protested. "Couldn't he see the family resemblance? The fraternal distance between you two as you strolled around the village?"
Harry shrugged. Remembering the ice, Geraldine shoved one package at him. "Here, try this."
Harry carefully lowered his nose to the edge of the package. "I've never used chocolate ice for a nosebleed before."
"Chocolate," Geraldine announced, "cures everything."
There was a crash from the kitchen, a silence, and then a quiet, "Oh, no."
"Oh no?" Geraldine echoed, much louder. "What "oh no" are we talking about?"
But in her heart, she already knew. She rushed in to survey the damage and see what could be salvaged. But with the plate broken as well, there was no alternative but to sweep the entire thing into the dustbin. Grumpily, she returned to the living room.
"What happened?" Harry asked, and Geraldine announced, "That Better than Sex chocolate cake I baked this morning … died a virgin."
"I'm so sorry!" Rosie wailed. "I don't know how it happened! I'll bake you a new one!"
Before Geraldine could answer, Harry said, "No!"
"I'm not that bad in the kitchen!" Rosie protested, but Harry just looked at her, and after a moment, Rosie's face fell. "All right, darling. You've suffered enough for one day."
After lunch, Harry had recovered enough to take Rosie out for another walk while Geraldine performed some of her many duties as a vicar and returned shortly before supper. There was no point in having the anniversary meal she'd planned to cook at home, not now that the piece de resistance had gone the way of all flesh, so she'd made reservations for her and Harry at a nearby restaurant. When Harry and Rosie came back, however, Harry was dripping wet and shivering all over.
"Let me guess," Geraldine said. "Mr Wickham pushed you into a puddle?"
"No," Rosie sobbed. "I did. It was an accident!"
"Another accident, what a coincidence," Geraldine said, wondering secretly if Mr Wickham hadn't broken up with Rosie in order to stay alive.
"Harry was teasing me and I just gave him a little shove, " Rosie cried, demonstrating. Harry toppled onto the couch. "He went in right up to his hair!"
Geraldine sighed. "Well, Harry, I'll just have to take you upstairs, strip those wet clothes off you, and put you into a hot bath."
Harry shot up eagerly and followed her upstairs.
The day ended with Geraldine in bed, lying on her side and drumming her fingers against the mattress. At last, Harry came in and settled in beside her.
"It wasn't such a bad evening," he said cautiously.
"The waiter tripped and dumped my dinner in my lap!" Geraldine protested.
"Well, yes, but after that …" Harry put his hand to her face to kiss her, and Geraldine's attention was suddenly diverted elsewhere. "What's the matter with your fingers?"
Harry looked at the bandages on them. "A funny thing happened on the way to bed. I was attacked by a razor blade and a mousetrap."
"You!" Geraldine shouted. "You were the one getting into my chocolate!"
"I was desperate," Harry admitted. "Anyway, I thought you promised to share all your worldly goods with me?"
"Chocolate is not a worldly good, it's a divine gift."
"You're divine," Harry told her with a cheeky smile.
"Stop changing the subject. I promised to share with you, not with your sister!" Geraldine said. "I thought it was her getting into it."
"Rosie?" Harry asked. "She wouldn't even know where to find it!"
"She's a woman!" Geraldine retorted. "Women can always sniff out chocolate when they need to. But you! You're a man! You don't need chocolate!"
Harry looked mournfully at her. "After no cuddling last night and no cake to-day, yes, I did. You said that chocolate cures everything."
He got up and shut the window, then came back. "But since I didn't get any chocolate to-night, do you think you can make up for it?"
Geraldine kissed him. "I'm melting in your mouth already."
The End
Written spring/summer 2008