Voting has started for LDS Publisher's Christmas Short Story Competition, and will go from now until midnight on the 24th of December. Go read the directions and cast your vote for your four favourites!
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This is just a quick message to say that I have actually come up with an idea for a Christmas story that not only includes a beginning, but also an ending, too! I've made a good start on writing the first thousand words so far, and I'm confident that I can both finish and polish it before the submission deadline on December 18th. Woo-hoo! I'm back at the keyboard, and it feels good!
I see that LDS Publisher has started a new Christmas Story Contest. Click on the button in my sidebar for details. Will I write a story and submit it? I'm not certain. I like writing, and I especially like the challenge of trying to squeeze my story ideas into a certain amount of words, but I don't really like Christmas anymore. I could go into reasons, but who really cares? Suffice it to say, the whole idea leaves me feeling distinctly ... meh. I'm neither looking forward to it, nor can I even rustle up a real, heartfelt "Bah! Humbug!" Can you write about the magic of a season without feeling the magic yourself? Maybe I should find out. Maybe I should grab that magic by the scruff of its scrawny neck and force it to shower me with its power. Yeah.
Funny that the only Christmas story I can really think of at the moment is Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Maybe I should go for a modern retelling of this old classic, although I don't think the part of cutting off the knight's head would be considered "family friendly," even if there is no blood, and the knight picks it up again and walks out with it tucked under his arm, so to speak. I think that's how it goes, anyway. I can't seem to find my copy of the book, and I am starting to get alarmed. Where could it be? I just read it recently ... or was that two years ago? Oh, dear, oh, dear, I'm not only losing my books, I'm also losing my -- um, what were we talking about again? This blog on hold while I search for my brain and my book, in no particular order. My older son was recently fired from his apprenticeship, and among the reasons given was his lack of social skills. We've known since he was very young that he was, erm, slightly different than most people, and we've put it down to Attention Deficit Disorder. My sister, a nurse, has also wondered if my son has Asperger's Syndrome, but although he has some of the "symptoms" he certainly doesn't have all of them. As I've researched Asperger's, however, I see in myself some of the behaviours described, especially when it comes to the social aspect. I have to say, when I look at the spectrum of personality, that although we do not have classic Asperger's Syndrome, we are both definitely closer to that side of things than we are to normality. Or maybe it really is just Attention Deficit Disorder for both of us, I don't know, but in any case, we're not normal. Most of the time, it doesn't bother me, but lately, things have been weighing on my mind, such as wondering if Older Son will ever get a job that he can keep, and if I will ever be able to write a book. Or even some successful, original short stories.
You see, the more I read books, and think about writing my own, the more I worry that this part of my personality will keep me from writing a book that people will both read, and like, and from creating a character that people will identify with, and like. Often, when you read books, you get a sense of what the author must be like. The Rhea Jensen books by Sheralyn Pratt, for instance, are very autobiographical. You just know how active and energetic and friendly the author is, how she can deal with all kinds of people and get in and out of situations with grace instead of looking like a completel idiot. This is another point that has been worrying me lately. Even if I did manage to write an entire book, I'm sure my personality would seep through, and people would be put off. They would wonder why the main character doesn't have any friends, for instance, or why she does things they would consider childish or even stupid. I am a fairly passive person, I think, or at least I've learned from experience that things very often go wrong whenever I try not to be. It's hard for me to write an active character who takes charge and acts, instead of being acted upon, and passive characters are not well looked-upon in the literary community. I've already mentioned that I have a huge problem in finding the resolution to a problem. Sometimes I can, and sometimes I can't. I have a book about half written, and I've stopped in the middle because I just can't see how to go on. I've tried various continuations, but nothing seems to work. I see that in real life, too. Sometimes (all too often) I get into a social situation where, for instance, someone does something unexpected or even unpleasant, and I just don't know how to respond. I usually end up making a mess of things, overreacting, underreacting, or reacting to something that I've misunderstood. Same with friendships. I either give way too much, or way too little, or expect unrealistic things, or everything altogether. And this sort of thing comes out in your writing, whether you want it to, or not. I think the best writers have the best people skills; they understand all different kinds of people, they know how to deal with all different kinds of people, and therefore, they can create characters that the readers can both identify with and like. I don't understand other people -- I don't even understand myself! Basically, I'm just having trouble at the moment trying to reconcile my talent with words with my lack of social skills. Sometimes I wish I had more options -- I think I would make a good editor, or even an excellent proof-reader -- but then I have this very slight deficit of living in the wrong country. So where do I go from here? That's the problem -- I just don't know. I took piano lessons for several years when I was a pre-teen. I'm trying to remember how old I was when I quit -- thirteen? -- but it doesn't matter. I quit because I felt there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I couldn't look at a piece of music and "hear" it in my head; I always wanted my piano teacher to play it for me first so that I knew how it was supposed to sound. I felt vastly inferior to others, especially those who could sight read, but also those who could play better than I could. Now that I am older and hopefully a bit wiser, I suppose that I was comparing myself to others who had many years more experience than I did, but I probably didn't think of that at the time. I don't miss being able to play the piano now, especially not at church when we have to sing one of the hymns I don't like. I think that it could definitely be worse if I were forced to practice playing those hymns as well as singing them, or even just listening to the others sing. But I do wonder, now and then, if I was wrong about myself. Was there something wrong with me? Or would I have learned to hear the music in my head just by reading the notes, if I'd kept on practicing? Would I have developed the skill of sight-reading? I guess I'll never know.
Which brings me, in a roundabout way, to my current dilemma. I'm comparing my writing skills to those of published authors, and finding myself lacking. Again. While we were in America, I read a wonderful book called In the Company of Angels by David Farland, about the members of the Willie Handcart Company crossing the plains to Salt Lake City. At about the same time, I also read the update for the Monsters and Mormons anthology over at A Motley Vision, where it stated that they had enough space opera and were looking for other things. I skimmed through the list and two things caught my eye; the POV of a female protagonist, and steampunk. My mind went to work, inspired by these two sources, and before I knew it, I had some ideas. Then my great weakness kicked in, or one of them, anyway, and I realized that I didn't know what to do with these ideas. I knew there had to be a problem of some kind, and a resolution, and though I eventually came up with an idea for a monster, which I knew had to be defeated at the end, I couldn't come up with a way for my protagonist to do exactly that. Almost a month later, now, and I'm still no closer to knowing exactly how it should be done. In the meantime, I'm reading Dan Wells' blog about how he's going about writing his story for the M&M anthology, and he makes it look so easy. Wham, bam, he has a hook, a character, a resolution, everything he needs. Grrrr. He also understands people so much better than I do -- in fact, the more I think about it, the more I think my emotional quotient is somewhere on the left hand side of zero, and my characters will reflect that, scaring the readers away. So sometimes, I think about quitting. But because of my experience with the piano, I know I'll always wonder if I could have improved if I'd just kept at it. So I haven't quit. Yet. But I also haven't written anything lately. I'm deathly afraid that if I stop writing for any length of time, that God will take away this talent, leaving me with absolutely nothing. But right now I also don't know how to reconcile this little talent with my huge weaknesses. Maybe I'm afraid to try and fail. Maybe I should write something anyway, no matter how weak the ending is. To-morrow. Update, 17 August. If only I weren't so blasted tired all the time! Would anybody even notice if I missed a week of blogging? I'd like to think so.
I was quite discouraged about my story for a while there, and completely got out of the habit of working on it each day. Then, when I wanted to get back into the habit, I had some sleep issues and found it very difficult to concentrate. All I wanted to do each time I sat down was to close my eyes and fall asleep. But things are looking up now, and I've even managed to do some writing to-night. My discouragement has diminished and I'm teetering towards the optimistic side of things just at the moment, so I hope I can start anew and get some more done before we leave. Yes, we'll be travelling from the 12th of July to the 31st, and I won't be blogging during that time, or even writing. With any luck, though, I'll still be able to think about my story and plunge into it again with renewed vigour when I get back. I'll start practicing for that plunge by ending this little blog and getting back to my story to-night before bedtime. Hope you miss me! My mother always said, "I prayed for patience and I got five kids."
This week, I was reading one of my favourite blogs, and a commenter pointed out that she, too, had prayed for patience, thinking it would be given to her as a gift, but finally realized that she was getting only opportunities to develop patience. I never prayed for patience. Not because I didn't want five kids, but because I instinctively understood that praying for something was not likely to involve getting it directly, like a plate of brownies that you could then imbibe and have them cleave to your hips forever. Rather, as the commenter said, it was about getting the opportunity to develop it. I'd understood this principle on a deep level, but I don't think I could have put it into words until I read her story. After that, I not only really and truly understood why I'd never prayed for patience, but I also got smacked upside the face with a new revelation. I have been praying to become a better writer! And what have I got out of it so far? Not a direct increase in my writing ability, I can tell you that much. No, what I have been noticing lately are my weaknesses; my huge, glaring deficiencies! I see problems in my characterization, in my resolutions, in my pacing -- you name it, I probably can't do it. And now I've suddenly realized why I've been noticing these things lately; so that I can overcome them. Except I don't see that I'm making much progress, and I'm discouraged. Apparently, the Lord gives us weaknesses so that we can be humble. I'm humble, all right. In fact, according to the number of weaknesses I've discovered in my life, I am probably in the running to become the most humble person on the face of the earth, a fact I'd be proud of, if it weren't so darn depressing. I am so humble that I'm seriously doubting whether I have any writing ability at all, only the desire. Maybe my real talent is simply grammar, and I'll never amount to anything except being able to proofread a manuscript (written by somebody else) and point out dangling participles. There are times when I'm that close to chucking it all in. I keep telling myself that Rome wasn't built in a day. And when I was in 9th grade, I didn't even know what grammar was (although, in general, I used it correctly.) I've had years to learn and perfect it, and no doubt I can learn to overcome my writing weaknesses, too, with more time and lots more effort. Unfortunately, along with being humble, I'm also in the running to become the most impatient person on the face of the earth, and I want success now. Right now. Yesterday now! I won't be praying for patience, though, as I already know where that will lead, but that raises the question, what do you think I should pray for to help me along and won't backfire on me? Determination to keep at it, perhaps? Again, I don't really have anything exciting or profound to say. I did an official word count on the pages that I had already written for my Mormons and Monsters story. It was more than 20 000, and I'm only about halfway done! I went back to A Motley Vision and checked the requirements for the submission, and the limit was 17 000 words. So much for my plan of writing everything out first and then editing a few hundred words to get down to the limit. I'll probably end up with an awkward thing that is much too long for this contest, and yet much too short to stand on its own as a book. And though I hate to admit that I'm so fragile, this has kind of thrown me for a loop and I haven't written anything for two or three days now. I know, I know, I must get on with it anyway, even if I don't have a clear goal in mind anymore, because when one door closes, another one opens, and all that, and I might just find that I can develop it in a different way than I originally thought. But until then ... does anybody know what you can do with a "between-sizes" manuscript?
Well, I wish I had something interesting, exciting, or profound to report this week, but I don't. I'm still working on my Mormons and Monsters story, even though I had a distinctly worrying moment to-day that I might be so far off the target that I might actually be aiming at my own backside instead. I decided to grit my teeth and get on with it, write to the end, even though it might turn out to be a huge bomb. No matter what the outcome, I shall try to remember what Thomas Edison said about his attempts. He refused to call them failures, if I recall correctly, and then he said something like, "I now know 101 ways not to invent the lightbulb." Why, yes, I do have a good memory ... what were we talking about again? Yeah. So, anyway, even if my story doesn't turn out to be the winner of the contest, or even a viable candidate for submission, I'm sure I can learn something from it. And if it does turn out to be a bomb, I'll just title it "Dr Strangelove" before I file it away.
So I was just looking in an online Old English dictionary the other day, the way you do. I was looking for the Old English word that meant believer, so that I could use it as the name of a people in my story, but as is my wont, I soon got sidetracked. As I browsed through the words, I found myself comparing them to modern day English and modern German, and thinking about the changes that these languages have gone through over the centuries. I like languages. I like learning the vocabulary, and even the grammar. Once, I told my Danish teacher that learning grammar was like putting a jigsaw puzzle together. Even if you got things in the wrong places or left something out, people could pretty much guess what the finished picture would look like, but there was nothing like putting everything together perfectly!
Yes, well, speaking of getting sidetracked ... while I was browsing and thinking about languages, and how much I enjoyed my time at university when I was learning the intricacies of Middle High German, for instance, or Old English, or even Old Icelandic, I began to wonder about the eternities, and more specifically, my place there. I mean, God is eternal, right, and because He is unchanging, is it too much of a stretch to think that His divine language is unchanging, too? Why would it need to change if it's perfect, like He is? So ... what use is there, in the eternities, for people who have a talent for linguistics, who like studying sound shifts or the ways in which word meanings have changed over the centuries on this earth? Or what about those people who have the talent of picking up new languages, when there's only one unchanging language for the entire universe, and nothing else will ever be needed? It's easy to imagine what musical people will be doing for all eternity -- making music. The scriptures are full of references to singing angels and heavenly choirs. And I'm sure all those people who love the natural sciences will be needed, or at least included, in the creation of new worlds. But linguists? And *gulp* writers? I have heard of angels writing books in heaven, mostly reports of what people on earth are doing. You know, whatever is recorded on earth will be recorded in heaven, and all that. I won't say boring, but I will say that this is all fact, and no fiction, and it just doesn't sound all that attractive to me. And quite frankly, it does sound a bit unlikely that angels will be putting out newsletters or little brochures such as "What's New in This Corner of the Universe?" or "Asteroid Belts -- From Rubble to Riches in Your Solar System." But if, as they say, all God's creatures got a place in the choir, where will the place for us writers be? Will we still be producing works of fiction in the eternities? (Will people even still have time to read and enjoy such works, or will they be too busy helping in the great work of Creation?) Or could it be that, here on this earth, we have smaller, more manageable portions of some great Übertalent of Divine Creativity, which manifests itself in our particular cases as the talent to write? We know that we humans can only see a small portion of the colour spectrum, and only hear a small portion of sounds, so why should it not be that we can only access a certain amount of Creativity while here in our mortal bodies? Perhaps in the eternities, we will be able to access the entire spectrum of Divine Creativity and do so much more with it, things we cannot even dream of to-day. I don't have all the answers. I don't even know all the questions! I wish I did. I do hope with all my heart that there is indeed a good place for me in the eternal scheme of things, and that I can magnify my little talent of creativity there, and maybe even gain some new talents. In the meantime, though, I still want to get published before I die. Just in case. |
Melanie Goldmund
I've written fanfic under the name Zelofheda, and some original fic under my real name. Archives
September 2019
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